her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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