thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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