god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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