So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
