You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
