the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
