i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
