i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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