32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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