Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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