He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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