I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
my mouth tastes like poor choices
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
