she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I need a burrito and a hug.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
