im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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