So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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