Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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