Already got asked if we're dating
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
