dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
