Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
