Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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