i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
