I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
