Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
