goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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