Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
