Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
