Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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