This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Michael Bay diarrhea
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
