i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
