Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm at about main and main street
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
