I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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