i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
