hell yes lets make some ravioli
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I can't turn off my feet"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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