Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
