you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
