Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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