apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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