The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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