yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
