We're facebook friends in real life
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Randomize