Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
