oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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