I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
