He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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