Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
