Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
