my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
