Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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