Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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