I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
