the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
