If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
