you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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