Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize