I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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