HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
