Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
