just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
