i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
