he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
