drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
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